Sentio, ergo sum (I feel/realize, therefore I am)
– a more truthful proposition?
Just how deep into the realm of conceptualizing, precocious mind, can you wander? Do you believe that thinking, by itself, establishes your existence? or that entertaining the concept of your non-existence is all the proof you need to establish it? or simply that your awareness of having a thought means that you created it? The realness of a thought only comes about through the act of having one. And who is having the thought – you or your person?
Mind, you may have noticed an uncomfortable ambiguity in this letter concerning the word you. Sometimes it means you the mind, as if you were a separate entity from your person, and sometimes it means you and your person together. So which is it? Who is this letter written to? This is the core problem you face (there it is again): the ambiguity of your existence – the equivocation of you.
And the most frustrating thing of all? – the ambiguity is self-created! – a direct consequence of the Human capacity for self-awareness. Which self are you? The one watching, or the one being watched? Embodying either one of these turns the other into a ghost, and you are the one equivocating.
The whole vexing mess arises from your ability to, lo and behold, conceptualize yourself. The instant you imagine the existence of a thing called mind, that represents the capacity for awareness, and believe you are this thing, you attempt to embody a fantasy. It sucks, but it's true: You, bemused mind, as you conceive of yourself, don't exist. And, with more apologies, as much as you would like to believe you have the capacity to resolve the ambiguity of your existence on your own, you do not – no matter how smart you are – because your smartness, the ability to conceptualize, creates the ambiguity in the first place. Welcome to the reality of self-awareness.
But then the ability to conceive of yourself, or anything at all, serves a critical function: It gives you something conjectural to investigate consciously – something as yet unknown or not understood to imagine, then compare with the actuality of experience; and perhaps verify the truth, or error, of the original conjecture. In this way self-awareness, the science of self-reflection, allows the astounding ability for perception – the conscious realization or understanding of something hitherto unknown.
The unknown, by its very nature, is ambiguous. So when you, mind, assume the roles of both autonomous witness and infallible judge, and try to remove reality's ambiguity through conjecture alone, which you can only accomplish by ignoring your person's experience, you inhibit the potential for further realization and understanding.
This, in summary, is the point of this letter: the hazards of habitual self-conjecturing – to the detriment of trans-self-realization and harmonious existence. And it all pivots on your attitude, mind. As expressed earlier, as much as you insist on your unambiguous conceptual existence, without verification by your person, and apply the same conviction to everything else you conceptualize, you reinforce the misperception, the delusion, behind the insanity of actuality blindness – and risk all its disharmonious consequences.
To honestly understand the question of existence, there is only one sure bet, one context free of ambiguity, and the only stable foundation for sanity: the existence of your actual person as a conscious manifestation of reality. This is your best, rather only, hope. The actuality of your person embodies far and away more intelligence and understanding than you could ever pretend to possess on your own. This is the incredible blessing you so blithely ignore as you cerebrally define existence, neglecting the insight of your actual being. It is your person's sentience (including the qualia of meaning taken for thought) after all is said and done, that establishes your existence, mind. And your person, the vehicle of your being, is the platform from which you survey and understand, or not, the reality that creates you.
The truth is, Human mind, you don't and can't fully know what or who you are. But would you like to know just a little more? Are you willing to surrender your alluring and self-gratifying conviction of independence and let sentience teach you?
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verb [ trans. ]
1 become fully aware of (something) as a fact; understand clearly.
Mind, if only you could become fully aware, understand clearly, what this verb could actually mean. It is the universal verb – the manner in which reality unfolds.
What but reality could realize anything at all? Though you would take credit for it, awakening mind, it isn't you that realizes. Rather reality is realizing you; gracing you with the flowering of consciousness – according you the potential to ever more clearly understand reality as it already is.
Consciousness is not your tool to wield, as you exist within it. You do not create reality through the mere act of conceptualizing it. Reality endows you, living mind, with the powers to conceive and perceive. To conceive is to inquire of reality's potential, to perceive clearly is to realize it. You, blessed mind, are an instrument of consciousness that reality would use to become fully aware, to realize, its potential – not just that of Human consciousness.
The most astounding aspect of your existence, Human person/mind, is that you may consciously participate in the outcome of reality's experiment in Human life. Would you adopt a posture that values actual reality more than the idea of it, perhaps you would realize the magnificent reality that allows your becoming. With such sanity, such dispelling of delusion in favor of truth, perhaps reality would unfold with the further evolution of Human life and consciousness.
What beautiful realization would this be?
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As sincerely and truly as my non compos mind is capable,
the person d.s